you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
40s are totally the cure
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
