Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
