I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
