my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
