my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
