How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I looked at my own cervix.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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