I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
