my shit smells like andre
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
