My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
