Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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