Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
