I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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