I will die if light touches me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
