I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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