she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
