I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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