I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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