Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
