My sheets look like a crime scene.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
