dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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