I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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