I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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