she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
