Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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