Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
