Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
