They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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