My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
