He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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