i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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