There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
