I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
