so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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