It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
