1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I could teleport
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
