So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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