Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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