feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize