I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
