my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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