jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No stitches, just platelets and will power
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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