dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
