He told me they were just razor bumps!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
