yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish you could order shots online.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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