I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
