I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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