Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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