i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
