Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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