a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
