The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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