I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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