After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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