you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
