I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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