Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
