the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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