Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
