i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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