So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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