i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
