So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
