You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
