the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
