Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
