After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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