i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
