I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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