his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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