there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
