Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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