can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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