I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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