how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
