Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
