I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
