I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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