i think i have two assholes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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