Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
