You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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