My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A+ Viking dick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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