Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
