How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
