my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
