I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize