Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
