I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my shit smells like andre
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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