im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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