somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
